At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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