You just made me feel so damn special
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
