Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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