Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
