Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
