so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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