Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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