Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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