Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
