On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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