would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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