yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
