I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
