you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
