I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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