I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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