Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
