The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize