My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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