Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
