is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
