i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I supernannyed him into submission
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
