Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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