last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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