Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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