im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
