So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
