I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
