Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
