Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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