Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
