You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't turn off my feet"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
