More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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