First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
is it fun? or sober?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
