My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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