I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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