I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize