what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Blow job season was short but glorious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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