The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
