Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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