Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He shit in the fireplace
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
