Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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