this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
