Who wears a wallet chain?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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