no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
