he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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