did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
