It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
