not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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