"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
