I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
