return my video game
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
