Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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