I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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