girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
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He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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