Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize