He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
