I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
