i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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