Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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