I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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