What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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