I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
