There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
