No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
