I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize