The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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