I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
