I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
