she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dear god my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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