just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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