Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  at least we're not in new jersey

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  (612): i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale (401): at least we're not in new jersey http://tfl.nu/f78q
  Replies (59) Good night (958) Bad night (1792)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

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  (407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk
  Replies (14) Good night (4880) Bad night (768)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

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  (778): yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet... http://tfl.nu/488j
  Replies (29) Good night (3496) Bad night (1643)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

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  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (7471) Bad night (2250)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

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  (502): Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there. http://tfl.nu/zqp7
  Replies (13) Good night (1442) Bad night (6424)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.

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  (519): We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job. http://tfl.nu/nll9
  Replies (2) Good night (2503) Bad night (1130)
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  (619): View more from California

  Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.

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  (619): Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out. http://tfl.nu/o96t
  Replies (5) Good night (1007) Bad night (3238)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities

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  (603): I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities http://tfl.nu/wabu
  Replies (6) Good night (3337) Bad night (911)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.

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  (360): Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/0hus
  Replies (10) Good night (1832) Bad night (782)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!

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  (678): Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,! http://tfl.nu/t1zn
  Replies (4) Good night (1711) Bad night (719)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  YES.

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  (513): People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join? (1-513): YES. http://tfl.nu/e51l
  Replies (3) Good night (1464) Bad night (477)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went

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  (630): Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went http://tfl.nu/vz7s
  Replies (2) Good night (749) Bad night (394)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor

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  (480): strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor http://tfl.nu/6d1i
  Replies (4) Good night (361) Bad night (888)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.

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  (717): Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about. http://tfl.nu/g2cn
  Replies (5) Good night (437) Bad night (362)
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  (909): View more from California

  My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.

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  (909): My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone. http://tfl.nu/ydth
  Replies (0) Good night (551) Bad night (284)

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