Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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