I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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