Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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