I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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