I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
