sarcasm needs its own font
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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