Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
