If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
