Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
